NYCLU fails to save credibility of constitution

The other day, the results of the subway search case brought by the NYCLU came out. The judge on the case, whoever the asshole was, chose instead to side with the Bushies and help destroy the Constitution by declaring the searches legal.

Apparently, the City argued that the searches were necessary for the safety of all subway riders, and why should one group of people ruin safety for everyone. When the searches were first imposed as a way to check for terrorists running amok, they seemed reasonable enough. But when the cops started searching people for ALL illegal things, none of which have been found so far, by the by, that only made the searches ways to get around getting a search warrant or reading arrestees their rights which, as you all know, is the way things USED TO go around here. And until they rewrite the law to say that it's cool to trample the Constitution, which to my knowledge they haven't done yet, the searches are illegal.

The NYCLU has vowed to appeal, but you will forgive me if I have almost completely lost hope for this country, not to mention all faith in the legal system. The one hope I have left is that Bush and his bots have fucked things up so royally for the Republican party, so maybe we won't have to put up with a Repub in the White House for at least a few years to come.

Bush gives gays the finger....again

And this time he has the courts on his side, thanks to new Supreme Court Justice John Roberts. Bush's argument: universities seeking federal funding cannot turn away military recruiters at their establishments to protest the Pentagon's policy on gays in the military. Roberts' solution: schools in protest can turn away funding as well. My view: another step in the dumbing down of America.

For the life of me, I will never understand why we all need to be as dumb as Bush. I don't think he feels bad or embarassed about himself at all. Quite the contrary, unfortunately. So why does he want so much company if he isn't in misery?

NEW RULES!

I gather that, by now, you fine folks know exactly where I stand on red-staters and other tourists accosting my city. Friday is "Black Friday", named for the fact that many retail stores expect the day after Thanksgiving to put them in the black and whisk them away from red debt (Hmmmm...Red = debt. Iiiinteresting.). For me, it is the beginning of the acceleration of my New York nervous condition which was issued to me along with a mini box of Tide and 4 laundry quarters in the mail upon my arrival here. In the spirit of Bill Maher, my favorite Libertarian, here's a list of New Rules for the holiday tourists:

1) If you are looking up at a skyscraper, like the Chrysler Building, you can have 5 SECONDS to appreciate the beauty. After that, you must reacclimate yourselves to your surroundings, have some common courtesy and respect, and MOVE ON. Do not stare at the sky like morons! No, money and hot men/women will not fall from it and it will not suddenly make you cool.

2) For the love of Christ, stand TO THE RIGHT on the subway escalators. Keep in mind that you are invading someone else's city and mooching off of people who have to go to work to pay exorbitant taxes so Central Park stays nice for you lot. LET THEM THROUGH.

3) There is now a Bloomingdales in SoHo. Please use that one and leave the 59th Street one ALONE.

4) If you see fit to take pictures of elevator doors in a certain landmark that just happens to be WHERE PEOPLE WORK, be prepared for those people to pass right in front of your cameras on their way to their offices. Kindly keep in mind, you are disrupting THEIR day, not the other way around, so don't dare bitch at them or I'll send my Arab colleague down to the lobby to issue beheadings. Let me tell you, he has NO problem with violence.

5) A single-file line means just that. SINGLE-FILE. Do not pour out into the streets. Remember, they are not corn fields. People drive on those streets, plus, you are an eyesore to fashionable people.

6) Be decent enough to leave space on the sidewalk for people to walk by you. No, nobody thinks you're fabulous enough to stop and stare at.

7) Please be aware of the following parking rules: Absolutely no parking of people or cars ANYWHERE but Rockefeller Center, the Empire State Building, the Central Park ice skating rink, major museums in that area, SoHo and Canal Street. You may visit Ground Zero so long as you realize that it is not a tourist attraction and it is NOT YOURS. We know how you people get (please see my September 11th 2004 entry for info on what I mean here). Please understand that tourist zoning laws are necessary for the sanity of your hosts.

Happy turkey day, people!

I Don't Want to Stop Smoking, part deux

This morning as I went to get my coffee, I saw one of the Chrysler Building rent-a-cops holding a little piece of paper in front of him that looked like some sort of city ordinance or something. The people who usually congregate under the canopy in the front of the building are now, as of 8 am this morning, forced to come out from under their shelter and smoke in the rain, even though their spot was technically outside and not really subject to ordinances and the like. When I came out of the coffee shop, I saw about 5 or 6 people standing in a group right in front of the rent-a-cop staring him dead in the eye, each with a cigarette in their mouths. They looked to be staging some sort of protest, which I thought was funny and that's why I mention it. I know it wasn't the rent-a-cop's fault. It is a very unlucky job to have to be one of the people to enforce the stupid laws the mayor makes around here, as if he doesn't have bigger fish to fry, like maybe the growing rate of poverty in the city (by the way, NYC was the only city in America to have the rate INCREASE over the past year rather than decrease). Needless to say, you'll never catch me in that profession, whose reps, by the way, are known to recruit in subway stations. Really, they approached my out-of-shape self to be a cop while waiting for the N train. Can you imagine? Me, a cop? They're like those Marine recruiters in Flint, Michigan (see "Fahrenheit 9/11"). So pathetic it's funny.

And a special thanks to the delegation of the Russian Federation to the United Nations. It is because of them and the "secret meeting" they held with Mr. Annan that the conference room level of the UN building is the last place in the city where one can smoke without consequence. Now I really don't understand why the Cold War happened for so long. Russians are pretty damn cool people. They can look quite menacing, so I understand some of the confusion Old Man Reagan and his lot suffered in the eighties, but really they're very nice. Secretive and peculiarly non-chalant is all. My new boss is Russian, and he's very laid-back, as if he's doing bong-hits in his office or something, and he listens to great music. Hey, maybe we could get Bossman Kofi to establish some kitschy bar in the basement of the UN building. He'd have a hell of an opening night and would make great business. he could really leave a lasting impression on his way out if he did that.

I Don't Want to Stop Smoking

Not that I smoke like a chimney. But this judgemental, moral high horse that people get on nowadays has to stop. The following link is to an editorial by my favorite writer/cartoonist of the moment, Marjane Satrapi. She is an Iranian who now lives in Paris. Check it out. I paid to bring this link to you!

http://satrapi.page.nytimes.com/?8hpib

(the link doesn't work, so you can cut and paste into the address field in your browser. have a lovely day, folks!)