Boys to Men?

Well, folks, the latest in my saga of the X: He is, uh, between housing, and has been staying at a friend's house (this friend is also his manager and once upon a time they were roommates, which is why his job situation sometimes sounds like a dream to me), and now he is staying with me. This is cool, because I have a live-in chef for the next week or two, someone to get up and get me soda or cheesy-poofs when I'm reclining on the couch, and someone to with whom to do dark deeds, although not the ones that immediately race to y'all's dirty-ass minds. Geez.

The fucking Star Wars stupid ass Episode Three Revenge of the Sith (what the fuck is a Sith any damn way and what significance would this have to my reality?) DVD came out this week, and every time the commercial comes on, which is twice every five seconds, old boy starts to panting, gasping, nudging me and pointing at the TV as if he DOESN't know I don't care. Not only this, but the man has a Playstation whichever-the-current-one-is-numbered and plays Grand Theft Auto as if it were going to self-destruct at any moment. Meanwhile, I have just bought a brand new Apple Powerbook G4 with printer and whatnot and am establishing my little home office thing, and I'm getting ready to sell my stupid Nintendo 64 with all its games on eBay because the time for that frivolity is gone. Yours truly is turning 30 in March, and I will need to act the part, seems to me, and get my assingear.

Which brings me to my theory. Boys may age as much as they have to, but they stay very boyish to a much larger extent than girls do. Girls invariably grow into women and start concerning themselves with women things (this goes for all of us except the butchest of lesbians - shouts to my senior year suitemate from college) almost immediately. In fact, a lot of us can't even wait until we're women to concern ourselves with women things. True, we do have the occasional giggle fest, but they become accompanied by martinis and shit instead of pillow-fights and hair-braiding. Although I will admit I have occasional yearnings to climb a tree and whatnot. But really, I think girls are FORCED to grow into women the minute we start to bleed every month, while boys are given the OPTION to do so, since the only notice they get is their willies getting bigger and hairier, which is a good thing of course. It almost seems like guys have a built-in ceiling to some parts of their internal development, and I'm waiting for the issue of Time magazine which will feature a story on the medical breakthrough that found some little extra flap or something in guys' brains that makes them part child for life.

I have to say it: sometimes I think men are adorable because of their occasional childlike behavior. I want to pat them on the head and smile and pinch their cheeks. But my X, sometimes I want to tie his hands together just to see him go through Playstation withdrawal. I want to know if he will foam at the mouth and start shaking and screaming and carrying on like recovering crack fiends do. Yes, I am sharing these ugly thoughts with you because, except for Sivilicious, y'all don't know me. So there!