The Pope's recent visit to Cuba only highlighted the lack of freedom in the country. Read all about it here:
The Pope's visit to Cuba: Some things will not change
viernes, marzo 30, 2012
The One about the Ex.
I have no idea who reads my blog anymore. I had a small following when I started, but I neglected my little blog for so long, I think they all went away.
I don't think my Ex, or my Current, as it were, reads my blog either. So he can't object to the story I am about to tell.
JA came back into my life towards the end of last September. We'd been in touch on FB and by phone, and I thought since he was all the way in New Orleans, there was no danger of my getting all hung up on him again.
To make a long story short, we saw each other on and off during my college years, and once I graduated, we tried to parlay good sex into a loving relationship. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. We did have some really great times and we did love each other, but we also brought out the worst in each other. He didn't really know how to be with someone who loved him, and I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't want to be with me 24/7 if he loved me so much (I acted accordingly). I nagged constantly and generally made an ass of myself.
So when JA told me he was coming up to NYC and needed a place to crash, I hesitated. Then at the last minute, I told him he could stay with me. Then I let him sleep in my bed. I'm smacking my forehead as I write this.....
A week turned into a month, and so on and so forth. Living with him was great, and it still is, and now I often can't imagine living without him.
I resisted all I love you's and any tender feelings that might have evolved between us for fear of whatever happened the last time around, over 10 years ago. One night I came home from work to find him in the kitchen making dinner.
"I think I'm in love with you," he said.
"AGAIN? Awww crap."
It is now 6 months later, and JA still lives with me. I am the breadwinner in the house. He is "Suzy Homemaker", if you will, when he's not working towards making his own business (he's a musician, and a damn good one, velvety voice and all). That is the trade-off. And though money is tight, we make it OK. He doesn't ask me for much, if anything, but I try to give him all I can. He is a much better cook than I am, and I confess that I've hardly touched my Cuisinart/Calphalon cookware since he first arrived.
In addition, he takes out the laundry and the dry cleaning when it needs to be done. He grocery shops when I can't or am just not interested in doing so. He does me other favors, too, like taking packages to the post office when I have my time taken up with work (I'd get so much more done if I didn't have to spend my days at the office).
If I have an extra-curricular activity that brings me home when it is already dark, JA will pick me up at the subway and walk me home. This is invaluable: after I was robbed while staying in a vacation house in Nicaragua with my mother and other family, I am forever looking over my shoulder for anyone who might be following me.
I can't lie, some days it is much easier to be single. I know for sure no one is going to be home when I get there, so I don't have to hope JA is home when I get there. I don't have to wonder when he is coming home if he goes out. At those times, our relationship is hard for me.
There are things that I have asked for from JA that he only sometimes does. I've asked that he clean the cookware he uses immediately after cooking (like I used to do) so that it doesn't get oily or caked. Needless to say, but I'm saying it anyway, my cookware is no longer pristine. The dishawasher is always loaded the wrong way, or rather, not the way I do it. I've given up mentioning and fighting about it, though. He's messier than I am and I can't change it by snapping my fingers. Likewise for calling when he comes home late. I ask him to do that because I worry about him, and again, I can't lie, sometimes it is because he's a large black man and I live in a mostly white neighborhood, apart from the nearby projects. He has yet to get hassled, because he has such a kind face and is so personable, but I worry anyway. He thinks, however, that I am asking him to call because I want to be the one to grant him permission to go here or there, or know his whereabouts at all times. Not true. I am not trying to cut his balls off and put them in a mason jar under the sink. I just worry. But again, I'm through fighting with him about it. He knows what I want. Whether he is mindful of that is up to him.
He is still the man, and I prefer it that way. I don't want to own him at all. These are just growing pains.
But most of the time, he is with me. He says that he often refuses invitations to hang out with his friends to be with me, and likewise for me. "Your friends miss you," he told me the other night. It's true, I suppose. But JA is my best friend, and I almost hate to admit that I'd much rather hang out with him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love him. Ugh. Three weeks ago, around my birthday, I just threw up my hands and gave up the resistance. I just needed time to know that we weren't going in the same direction as last time around. I can't tell the future, but for now, I'm pretty damn happy. Imagine that.
I don't think my Ex, or my Current, as it were, reads my blog either. So he can't object to the story I am about to tell.
JA came back into my life towards the end of last September. We'd been in touch on FB and by phone, and I thought since he was all the way in New Orleans, there was no danger of my getting all hung up on him again.
To make a long story short, we saw each other on and off during my college years, and once I graduated, we tried to parlay good sex into a loving relationship. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. We did have some really great times and we did love each other, but we also brought out the worst in each other. He didn't really know how to be with someone who loved him, and I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't want to be with me 24/7 if he loved me so much (I acted accordingly). I nagged constantly and generally made an ass of myself.
So when JA told me he was coming up to NYC and needed a place to crash, I hesitated. Then at the last minute, I told him he could stay with me. Then I let him sleep in my bed. I'm smacking my forehead as I write this.....
A week turned into a month, and so on and so forth. Living with him was great, and it still is, and now I often can't imagine living without him.
I resisted all I love you's and any tender feelings that might have evolved between us for fear of whatever happened the last time around, over 10 years ago. One night I came home from work to find him in the kitchen making dinner.
"I think I'm in love with you," he said.
"AGAIN? Awww crap."
It is now 6 months later, and JA still lives with me. I am the breadwinner in the house. He is "Suzy Homemaker", if you will, when he's not working towards making his own business (he's a musician, and a damn good one, velvety voice and all). That is the trade-off. And though money is tight, we make it OK. He doesn't ask me for much, if anything, but I try to give him all I can. He is a much better cook than I am, and I confess that I've hardly touched my Cuisinart/Calphalon cookware since he first arrived.
In addition, he takes out the laundry and the dry cleaning when it needs to be done. He grocery shops when I can't or am just not interested in doing so. He does me other favors, too, like taking packages to the post office when I have my time taken up with work (I'd get so much more done if I didn't have to spend my days at the office).
If I have an extra-curricular activity that brings me home when it is already dark, JA will pick me up at the subway and walk me home. This is invaluable: after I was robbed while staying in a vacation house in Nicaragua with my mother and other family, I am forever looking over my shoulder for anyone who might be following me.
I can't lie, some days it is much easier to be single. I know for sure no one is going to be home when I get there, so I don't have to hope JA is home when I get there. I don't have to wonder when he is coming home if he goes out. At those times, our relationship is hard for me.
There are things that I have asked for from JA that he only sometimes does. I've asked that he clean the cookware he uses immediately after cooking (like I used to do) so that it doesn't get oily or caked. Needless to say, but I'm saying it anyway, my cookware is no longer pristine. The dishawasher is always loaded the wrong way, or rather, not the way I do it. I've given up mentioning and fighting about it, though. He's messier than I am and I can't change it by snapping my fingers. Likewise for calling when he comes home late. I ask him to do that because I worry about him, and again, I can't lie, sometimes it is because he's a large black man and I live in a mostly white neighborhood, apart from the nearby projects. He has yet to get hassled, because he has such a kind face and is so personable, but I worry anyway. He thinks, however, that I am asking him to call because I want to be the one to grant him permission to go here or there, or know his whereabouts at all times. Not true. I am not trying to cut his balls off and put them in a mason jar under the sink. I just worry. But again, I'm through fighting with him about it. He knows what I want. Whether he is mindful of that is up to him.
He is still the man, and I prefer it that way. I don't want to own him at all. These are just growing pains.
But most of the time, he is with me. He says that he often refuses invitations to hang out with his friends to be with me, and likewise for me. "Your friends miss you," he told me the other night. It's true, I suppose. But JA is my best friend, and I almost hate to admit that I'd much rather hang out with him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love him. Ugh. Three weeks ago, around my birthday, I just threw up my hands and gave up the resistance. I just needed time to know that we weren't going in the same direction as last time around. I can't tell the future, but for now, I'm pretty damn happy. Imagine that.
Diplomatic Immunity Is Over
I really don't know what to make of this, other than the obvious: NYPD does indeed use "Courtesy, Professionalism and Respect", as they advertise on the side of their squad cars, but they do not practice this with black people, or, as we saw with my previous article "Even Hipsters Get the Blues", anybody who looks "different". With respect to the "looks" comment, just what city do the cops think they're living in?
A lot of people I know hate on diplomats, and that's usually sandwiched in between their contempt for the UN. Whenever the subject of diplomatic immunity comes up, they again target their anger over it at the UN, as if the UN gave out those privileges. They don't. Diplomatic immunity exists within and without the UN and for all diplomats the world over.
The other day, an ambassador from a small, Caribbean country was accosted by a police officer as he returned to his office after lunch. Read all about it by following the link below. What do you think this is about? Is it simply a case of the cop seeing something wrong and reacting to it, or is it something more?
Diplomatic Immunity Is Over
A lot of people I know hate on diplomats, and that's usually sandwiched in between their contempt for the UN. Whenever the subject of diplomatic immunity comes up, they again target their anger over it at the UN, as if the UN gave out those privileges. They don't. Diplomatic immunity exists within and without the UN and for all diplomats the world over.
The other day, an ambassador from a small, Caribbean country was accosted by a police officer as he returned to his office after lunch. Read all about it by following the link below. What do you think this is about? Is it simply a case of the cop seeing something wrong and reacting to it, or is it something more?
Diplomatic Immunity Is Over
miércoles, marzo 28, 2012
Even Hipsters Get the Blues
I honestly had no idea hipsters had any problems save for where to go to brunch/how to spend trust fund and trying to avoid that pesky happiness. Turns out they mke up a significant number of NYPD stop-and-frisks. Read on.....
Even Hipsters Get the Blues
Even Hipsters Get the Blues
lunes, marzo 26, 2012
Zimmerman Claims Martin Beat Him
A month after the shooting, this is Zimmerman's story. I can't lie. I'm getting worried. Don't forget: we live in a world where a woman kills her child, goes off and parties, then goes free for it.
Zimmerman Claims Martin Beat Him
Zimmerman Claims Martin Beat Him
Joe Oliver, Family Friend, Defends Martin Shooter
Is George Zimmerman really remorseful about shooting Trayvon Martin?
Read my article below about a family friend who claims Zimmerman has been crying for days. Uncontrollably. This is supposed to mean he's sorry, right?
Ok, yeah, but:
1. He followed Trayvon even after 911 dispatch told him to stop.
2. According to Trayvon's girlfriend, who was on the phone with him when he was shot, Zimmerman asked him, "What are you doing around here?"
3. Zimmerman made no effort to help Trayvon, no CPR, nothing.
4. He smugly told cops that it was "self-defense". Only in Florida can you just say that and go free, AND keep your gun. This kind of thing is the South's downfall.
So, does Zimmerman really seem that remorseful?
Joe Oliver, Family Friend, Defends Martin Shooter
Read my article below about a family friend who claims Zimmerman has been crying for days. Uncontrollably. This is supposed to mean he's sorry, right?
Ok, yeah, but:
1. He followed Trayvon even after 911 dispatch told him to stop.
2. According to Trayvon's girlfriend, who was on the phone with him when he was shot, Zimmerman asked him, "What are you doing around here?"
3. Zimmerman made no effort to help Trayvon, no CPR, nothing.
4. He smugly told cops that it was "self-defense". Only in Florida can you just say that and go free, AND keep your gun. This kind of thing is the South's downfall.
So, does Zimmerman really seem that remorseful?
Joe Oliver, Family Friend, Defends Martin Shooter
miércoles, marzo 14, 2012
Acknowledging other people's feelings
I am currently reading "The Happiness Project", by Gretchen Rubin, recommended to me by a friend via Goodreads. While it sort of belies my intellect, at first glance, I'm finding several tidbits of wisdom about everything from parenting (for later) to acknowledging people's feelings as a way to stop being negative.
By the by, this seems to be the year of experimentation in reading - In late December, I read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, just so I could hear the other side of the scandal and learn first-hand what all the fuss was about. Amy Chua is a law professor at Princeton, and it seems to me that a woman in her position would be highly intelligent, good with words, etc. I would certainly think she could write a good book. Wrong. Her justifications for her parenting and her overall behavior were weak, therefore, it was a weak book. Funnily enough, the best I can say about her book is that Chua was strongest when she showed her weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
In January, I read Rob Lowe's autobiography. When I think of Rob Lowe, I think of the saxophone-playing part of the St. Elmo's Fire kids. I do not think of intellectual ability or anything of that sort. But his book, which in all possibility may have been ghost-written, but I hesitate to believe it, was really good and it encouraged me to respect Lowe more as an actor and as an excellent human being.
In any case, one of the tenets of The Happiness Project is acknowledging other people's feelings. I did that today, a few hours ago, actually, and I feel a lot better than I normally do when I gripe about work.
Today's gripe, the same as many other days, is that my "managers" don't tell me important things that might save me some time. In this case, I spent a work day and a half negotiating (and waiting for) someone else's itinerary to travel to west Africa to do a study on Security Sector Reform. Today, I was triumphantly taking the travel paperwork around for the battery of signatures it requires when SRR, a member of my team also dealing with the consultant scheduled to travel, informed me that the itinerary was wrong, even though the traveler had approved it and she signed off on it on the traveler's behalf.
Anyway, my first thought would have been "these people have no respect for my time." And then I would have been a grouch about it all day, and probably tomorrow and the next day as well. To be fair, I did get grouchy at first, but I did a good thing. I walked away and went to have lunch. And then I took another 45 minutes to read. During this time, I kept myself from thinking about anything related to work.
When I got back to my desk, I got an email from SRR, saying that yes the itinerary was wrong and that I had no idea how long she too had spent figuring out the mysteries of this consultant and this study. She was right, I hadn't even considered that. So I wrote back, "I'm sure both you and I have spent a lot of time on this. This is the last consultant for this study, right?" And I felt better.
Then I started thinking of MB, another member of my team, and the beautiful raw silk clutch she gave me for Christmas last year. One day we were having a conference and one of the "logistical duties" was to provide coffee for the attendees. My boss asked MB to do it, which I take to mean MB had to do it, not pass it on to me. She sent me an email basically saying "Why aren't you handling the coffee breaks....you are the logistics focal point for PBSO (our office)........I'm sitting in the room trying to listen to the conference but people want me to make photocopies....." all implying that I should be doing this as it is my job, it's OK for my time to be wasted, etc. I thought of her gift, and how it was probably her way of ensuring that I'd be her bitch for 2012. Maybe I should even return the gift.
But that would have been really rude of me. I got it together, and wrote her back, respectfully, that no, I was not logistics focal point for PBSO, that I was not given the assignment and therefore knew very little about it, and something along the lines of "if you need my help, please discuss the project with me," that it would be best for all of us and a little more respectful of me. Of course, MB didn't speak to me for two weeks, but she got over it and is back to asking me questions every 5 minutes. It felt good to stand up for myself but not let myself get carried away with it.
A lot of people don't see the other person's side of the story until they've already reacted and behaved badly. My concentration now is on being mindful of others so that I don't alienate them. Another person that inspires me to do this is my boyfriend, JA. Yes, that's right. A boy. For me. Alone. Yes, my ex JA. Yes, that will be another post.
By the by, this seems to be the year of experimentation in reading - In late December, I read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, just so I could hear the other side of the scandal and learn first-hand what all the fuss was about. Amy Chua is a law professor at Princeton, and it seems to me that a woman in her position would be highly intelligent, good with words, etc. I would certainly think she could write a good book. Wrong. Her justifications for her parenting and her overall behavior were weak, therefore, it was a weak book. Funnily enough, the best I can say about her book is that Chua was strongest when she showed her weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
In January, I read Rob Lowe's autobiography. When I think of Rob Lowe, I think of the saxophone-playing part of the St. Elmo's Fire kids. I do not think of intellectual ability or anything of that sort. But his book, which in all possibility may have been ghost-written, but I hesitate to believe it, was really good and it encouraged me to respect Lowe more as an actor and as an excellent human being.
In any case, one of the tenets of The Happiness Project is acknowledging other people's feelings. I did that today, a few hours ago, actually, and I feel a lot better than I normally do when I gripe about work.
Today's gripe, the same as many other days, is that my "managers" don't tell me important things that might save me some time. In this case, I spent a work day and a half negotiating (and waiting for) someone else's itinerary to travel to west Africa to do a study on Security Sector Reform. Today, I was triumphantly taking the travel paperwork around for the battery of signatures it requires when SRR, a member of my team also dealing with the consultant scheduled to travel, informed me that the itinerary was wrong, even though the traveler had approved it and she signed off on it on the traveler's behalf.
Anyway, my first thought would have been "these people have no respect for my time." And then I would have been a grouch about it all day, and probably tomorrow and the next day as well. To be fair, I did get grouchy at first, but I did a good thing. I walked away and went to have lunch. And then I took another 45 minutes to read. During this time, I kept myself from thinking about anything related to work.
When I got back to my desk, I got an email from SRR, saying that yes the itinerary was wrong and that I had no idea how long she too had spent figuring out the mysteries of this consultant and this study. She was right, I hadn't even considered that. So I wrote back, "I'm sure both you and I have spent a lot of time on this. This is the last consultant for this study, right?" And I felt better.
Then I started thinking of MB, another member of my team, and the beautiful raw silk clutch she gave me for Christmas last year. One day we were having a conference and one of the "logistical duties" was to provide coffee for the attendees. My boss asked MB to do it, which I take to mean MB had to do it, not pass it on to me. She sent me an email basically saying "Why aren't you handling the coffee breaks....you are the logistics focal point for PBSO (our office)........I'm sitting in the room trying to listen to the conference but people want me to make photocopies....." all implying that I should be doing this as it is my job, it's OK for my time to be wasted, etc. I thought of her gift, and how it was probably her way of ensuring that I'd be her bitch for 2012. Maybe I should even return the gift.
But that would have been really rude of me. I got it together, and wrote her back, respectfully, that no, I was not logistics focal point for PBSO, that I was not given the assignment and therefore knew very little about it, and something along the lines of "if you need my help, please discuss the project with me," that it would be best for all of us and a little more respectful of me. Of course, MB didn't speak to me for two weeks, but she got over it and is back to asking me questions every 5 minutes. It felt good to stand up for myself but not let myself get carried away with it.
A lot of people don't see the other person's side of the story until they've already reacted and behaved badly. My concentration now is on being mindful of others so that I don't alienate them. Another person that inspires me to do this is my boyfriend, JA. Yes, that's right. A boy. For me. Alone. Yes, my ex JA. Yes, that will be another post.
jueves, marzo 01, 2012
World Bank Reports Reduction in Global Poverty
Take a walk through Midtown Manhattan and you might not believe this. But these are interesting times for Asia and Africa. While Africa is building itself back from war and civil unrest, Asia is experiencing an unprecedented economic growth.
This is a "good news, bad news" scenario.
Suscribirse a:
Entradas (Atom)